I am Who I am

I have a hard time with comparing myself to others.  Surprise.  I am not as confident as people may think, and I get jealous quite a bit... and the occasional "why her and not me" tend to slip into my mind and sometimes when I have a moment of verbal vomit.

It isn't pretty.  It isn't helpful.  Bah.  That is how I feel about it.

But in all honesty, it is a problem.

I am pretty awesome, in most cases.  I have my moments of true bitchiness - and when I do I am really really good at it.  But I do have awesome parts of me.

So why can't I just accept that... why do I have to take it to that level and throw all my focus on something I can't control?  It takes so much energy, so much work and so much time to worry about it, when I can take that time a focus on what I can control, what I can do, what I can make better...

I am 28 and still need advice like a 5 year old... gah ... and I thought I had matured?!?!?!

So now, coming to this realization... I am going to try and be better, and focus on me, and be happy being who I am.  I don't promise any spectacular turnarounds but even if I can shake off a tiny bit of this ugliness maybe my life will get a little prettier ...

Speaking of prettier....

I have almost finished a project!!! Gasp.  I know.

Could it be?!!?!! (I bet I am freaking you out right now - reading your mind and all)...

YES!!!!  The dinner table aka. kitchen table aka. the project I started almost 2 years ago!!!

It has 3 coats of primer on it covered by two coats of "Jackson Yellow" and is now drying in my disaster of a basement as we speak.  Tomorrow will come another sand down, and probably one more coat of Jackson Yellow ... and we shall see when I get brave enough to polyurethane it so it can last a 3 year old and a 6 month old!!!

Almost done and once done there will be pictures galore!!!  I am so excited.

Bryan wasn't feeling the yellow at first, but he wasn't really feeling any of the pain chips I brought home (i love paint chips like an addict)... but now he is starting to feel it... starting to jive with the color and I almost want to say he is excited for it!!!!

I do believe Jackson Yellow is brightening up my life!

Hope to post some pictures soon! G-night!