Last of the Cabinets

The last 4 of the cabinets are drying in my basement.

That is right.  Tomorrow they will be hung and I will be able to hid the chaos behind pretty Snow Storm White cabinets.

I am so ready for this project to be over.  Ready to enjoy.  And ready to take some pictures for you guys!

But wait!  There is that issue of the yellow table... and my sister's inability to keep red nail polish on her nails and not my table.  Might be a weekend project.

But none the less the cabinets and the pain in the ass part of the project is over!  Whoot Whoot!

Stay tuned!

Drunken Genius-ness

So my sister in her drunken genius-ness told me something along the lines of "This is not going to be your life in 5 years, this is just a moment" I am not sure if it was that well said, or if in my own drunkenness I made her sound that intelligent... but it stuck with me.

I am at a point in my life that I am completely overwhelmed, completely underwater and completely ready to throw in the towel.  I am exhausted. Phew.

But in all honesty, I hadn't taken a step back and looked at it that way at all. God.  She had a point.

So, now I am at the point where I have to decide what I am going to do, what I am going to put up with, what I can change and what I can't and where that leaves me.

Too much pressure! So we went to the Children's Museum today instead of making tough life decisions.  And Emily and Eli had their faces painted, Aunt Ellie had a great time too I think.

And on our way home we decided to stop by Anthropologie to check out the knobs again for my kitchen. Thank goodness I did!  Found the ones for me!

And as I am trying to scour their website for an image to show you guys ... it is not there... which makes me completely anxious, cause I need like 15 more, and this was going to be a slow going process of buying 2 at a time so it didn't hurt the pocket book all at once... but Karma has got to start swinging my way right?!?!?!?

Anywho... we bought two knobs and I am in love.

And then I swung into Menards to grab some more enamel paint to finish the rest of the cabinet doors (only 4 left) and the left over to do a desk and windowsill.  The win there was that I introduced Ellie to the mis-tint paint area and we scored the exact color she wanted to paint her room for $5 a gallon! Whoot Whoot!

I will be back to Mendards sometime soon for some Jackson Square yellow enamel paint due to my sister ruining my yellow kitchen table with bright red nail polish which bubbled up the paint and it pealed up to the primer.  Yeah.  I am telling you life owes me right now, but I handled it well and didn't make it a big deal since she had watched my kids all day - a long all day - 7 am to 7:30 pm.

So all in all things are sucking right now and so I am using all my creative energy to block it out and make my life at least look pretty - fake it till you make it right? Painting is therapeutic right?

All in all I have a few things to figure out.  And this is just a moment right?

I really hope my drunk sister is right.

It has been a tough little bit

So if you haven't noticed I haven't been blogging as much, and the reason for that is the fact that I don't want to be a Debby Downer.

But I am in such a funk right now that it is really hard for me to see the light at any tunnel let alone one, and let me add this small little disclaimer that I am well aware that there are many many many in this world that have it far worse than I do, and that is probably why I have avoided this type of post.

But here I am.  Realizing that my anxiety is completely out of control.  Tear are at a moments notice.  I want to escape from every moment of the day and I just can't so I have to just get through each one.  It is slowly tearing me down and I can't seem to get one foot going in the right direction for the next to follow.

And this is the hole I am in.  Am I really in it? No.  Can I fake my way out of it?  I hope so.  My new strategy is to try and get out every morning for a walk... just to clear my head which is my own worst enemy.  Next strategy is to start filling my head with all the good like things I am grateful for that I may take for granted, and things that I am actually good at, things that I did that may have helped someone else the previous day.

I pray that this helps me get out of the foggy mess I am in.

Another tactic I am going to start to try is to stop bitching and whining.  What is helping?  I have got to start doing things that are actually going to help me... like putting away laundry the moment it is done in the dryer, packing up the night before so I can get to work faster and in a better mood, cleaning off my desk at work so I don't feel like I am surrounded in chaos.

Sigh. Tomorrow is the start of the turnaround. Wish me luck.

A Double Birthday and a T-O-Double Dizzle

We had a great weekend.  Eli turned the Big 1 twice.... I will explain later, had a great birthday party down in Mankato and had a great time catching up with family we hadn't seen in quite a while (I am telling Eli that Aunt Mary and Uncle Steve flew in from South Korea just for him) and had a lovely time.

Then on Sunday I got the call from B.  He had to leave Saturday night to work on Sunday so he was home, he let Thomas the man cat out to do manly cat things and let Todd down into the basement to do private kitty things.  Sunday morning B found Todd curled up at the bottom of the stairs and thought Todd was up to his old tricks of always being where Bryan needed to walk or being "asking to be stepped on" as Bryan would say.  Except Todd didn't wake up or look at B when he called out the normal T-O- Double Dizzle. 

B did a great job of calling me and letting me know and found a great spot for him to be buried.  I am just heart broken and don't know what to do.  Bryan doesn't know what to do so he changes the subject.

He was just my special kitty.  He was mine.  He got jealous when I read books and didn't rub his ears.  He was just mine.  It always seemed like we were on the same team, trying to annoy Bryan.  Every morning Bryan would would put his feet down from the bed, there Todd would be.  Bryan would walk into the kitchen and Todd would be laying right where Bryan needed to go.  It was like his little mind game with B.

I knew he was sick from day one, but I was really hoping that we were the very very very select few to beat kitty cancer.  In a way we were, we beat it for a whole year.  Todd got his Christmas where he got to play with Christmas ornaments, he got to pounce after Thomas in the long grass, he was terrorized by a toddler and a 3 1/2 year old and loved unconditionally.  So in all honesty he lived a full kitty life... just not long enough for selfish me.

I miss him terribly and am crying enough to make my husband uncomfortable (I think my sister is close behind)  but it doesn't help when your smarter than smart child comes up with the brilliant idea that we need a magic blanket to fly up to the clouds to rescue Todd. Imagine me in the back seat, with two kids trying not to bawl when this little insight popped out of Emily's mind while Bryan and Ellie keep looking forward in an uncomfortable silence.  Yup.  And I am not even a cute crier.

So needless to say I am a little down.  I miss my Toddy.  And my child just told me to calm down and take a deep breath.  And another one.  And another one.  Gotta love her.

But back to Eli turning 1 twice!!! So Bryan and I had a hell of a start to our week, it was just a crap shoot from the start.  So Wednesday showed up, and I got up bright and early got my act together, picked out an outfit for Em and then went to get Eli ready.  I went to the closet got his Cupcake Happy Birthday Shirt and got the boy dressed like it was nobody's business. 

We smothered him with birthday kisses, took a few pictures, posted them on facebook stating that we had an "offical" one year old.  Then off he went with dad to daycare while I got Em ready. 

Then B came back to get us (day care is two blocks away and sometimes it is just a tad easier to get Eli out the door so everyone can get ready faster and easier).And off to daycare we went again.  As I walked Emily in, Renee apologized for missing Eli's birthday and that everything she had - said it was the 12th of July.

I said, it is.

She said that it was Wednesday the 11th.

She even had to show me the calendar.

The walk of shame back to the car to tell B what we did was dreadful.

I can't believe what we did.

 I had an email in my work inbox from my Mother informing me that my child's birthday was in fact the 12th not the 11th.  Thanks mom. 

The only saving grace was that we did it a day early, and that we actually knew what day our son was born on, we just got our actual days mixed up.  So my son turned 1 twice, I think this might just have to become a tradition, but at least it is a really good story to tell and it gave quite a few people a good laugh.

When I say I am not a perfect parent, I mean it.  But imperfections make perfect stories for therapy.



Meg

Rumor has it that my sister is moving up here to live in my basement.

I say rumor, because I am not sure.  She changes her mind 52 times, goes back on forth, creates huge obstacles in her mind that keep her in one spot..... but I think this time it might stick.

I am cautiously excited.  Okay, Okay I am totally thrilled to death.  I can't wait to have my partner in crime back.

However....

The whole basement thing has me a bit worried.  I don't think she is aware of what a disaster it is.  I am am not just talking about crap we are storing down there.  It is damp, walls are torn down, cinder block is exposed and the bathroom down there is use at your own risk.

So... I might be needing another visit from dad. 

But for now, Bryan and I have decided to move Eli to the "office/playroom" since his furniture is still small and we are in need of a "guestroom" and a bit larger room for Ellie.  It also finally forces us to finish that darn room.

But I am thinking Ellie really wants her own space.  So I guess the basement remodel will be starting soon.  And most likely will start with another dumpster and a few cans of Drylock.  Ellie better get ready for some work!!!

But yes I am thrilled.  I have missed her a lot.  Her humor is very much like mine, widely inappropriate, very sarcastic and bite-y but perfectly timed. 

And I can't wait to raid her wardrobe. Girl has a sick addition to Goodwill and actually comes out with some really winning pieces (when we were about 20/80% sure that she was coming up here, Bryan suggested I tell her that, crazy enough, Minneapolis has Goodwill locations here too! - He knows her so well).

I am also excited for my Mom & Dad, they miss her like crazy. 

Did I mention she is bring a dog as well?  Are we surprised?  Her name is Mya - she is part beagle, part basset-hound... so she is a bagel.  And she is old, and that is why she made her way into Ellie's heart.  My sister has a bad habit of visiting the local shelter weekly... Mya was there for quite a while, and no one was adopting her.  Her owner I believe passed and her and her brother were surrendered, brother was adopted she was not.  When she was finally adopted she was brought back.  Ellie fell for the dog.  Mya now lives the good life with Ellie and will now be living the good life we Bryan and I.

Bryan has already questioned Ellie and I's judgment in dogs....

    There was Sasha (the oldie in the background) and then there is Burnie who lives with Grandma Barb since she has more land to run on...

And then there is Mae Mae (Ellie stole this dog - for reals - but she was malnourished and slightly abused - so we will give Ellie a pass on this) and she lives with Burnie out at Grandma Barb's as well.  As you can see they are sweet loving dogs that don't tear up the house at all.  

So Bryan may have a point... however I know Emily will love to have a dog around, Todd & Thomas not so much but they will survive...

I can't wait!!!

Better Frame of Reference

So... I forgot to post a before/after..ish picture of the kitchen so just for a frame of reference here are some befores:

 This is what we walked into when we first bought the house... Blood Red Kitchen Cave.  I am pretty sure that it could have been a crime scene at some point... this is why it took me a while to warm up to buying this house...

In my kitchen cave... notice they put the brick everywhere... I was about 9 months prego when we moved in.

And this was the color I immediately painted our kitchen the day after we moved in... it was when all that Martha Stewart Red/Turquoise was going on.  Felt okay then... not so much now that we look back on it. And that buffet is Bryan's Mom's - which is going to become our vanity in the bathroom at some point!   

My narrow kitchen... before we bumped out the wall behind the fridge and before the new dishwasher.

So hopefully when I have my "official" reveal you will remember these horrific images and go WOW.

Till then just be glad that most of this horror is behind us :)

The Promised Positive Post

So yeah.

Facebook has been the punching bag this week, and I thank them for the week off! Whew.  That feels good.

As for the home front we have been slightly busy.  Everything seems a bit rushed now that we are carpooling...However, the sing-a-longs have been great and we kind of have a morning routine going on.

1. I get up first - shower - feed the man eating cats that have started to circle my legs.
2. I start to get ready, and then B gets up and does his shower thing.
3. After I am dressed, I work on the hair/makeup thing while B gets dressed.
4. As I am having a melt-down about either feeling fat, or my outfit not working the way I want it to, B gets Eli up and ready.
5.  By the time I have calmed down, Eli is good to go and B is starting to gather a few things and I start in on Emily.
6.  Once we have battled the outfit war with Em we are getting shoes on and out the door!

I have trained Bryan now not to get Eli in the car seat before I have brushed my teeth... it is usually the last thing on my list ... once I have that toothbrush in my mouth he knows he can ask the question "are you ready yet?"  any earlier than that - the man would be in trouble.  After 15 years - he has learned that is the most deadly question he can ask.

But yeah, it has been busy, we are both trying to keep up with work while trying to be good parents and not just park Emily in front of My Little Ponies... so this past weekend we went to the park:

It was a good day.  I actually felt relaxed.  This park was really fun too!  Many Many play areas, a fishing dock, and many many trails.  I chose to lay on our blanket and get crawled all over by none other than Mr. Eli.

He may look sweet and innocent - but the boy can throw some punches!

As far as the home front we have had some progress in the kitchen!

 This was the lovely "backsplash" the last homeowners left us. We were ever so grateful. 

 So needless to say, after I primed all the cabinets (and sanded them) Bryan had to show me up and put a hole in the wall... and tore out the ugly brick.

And that is the staircase behind my wall.

And this is what your kitchen would look like if your husband decided to take down a wall before his father-in-law shows up to shake his head at them.

And this is where I wanted to do it right and even out my walls... yeah I didn't realize they were this bad till I started to mud and sand!!!

 yeah I went nuts on the mudding and sanding... and there is my half hung chandelier ... before dad got to the house to help...

 Just another shot of the mess... so you really understand the mess we got ourselves in :)

 And another one...

All primed ... with grungy tile :/ 

 The boys taking a break at the yellow table... I was hard at work alone in the kitchen...

Actually this is probably after I had to go into work ... long story ...but the boys held their own 

 Starting to get it's act together

What?!?! No hole in the wall where the A/C unit was?!? Cray Cray I know. Thomas was impressed.

Now the color came.  We went with "Whiskers" which I would love to rename since it doesn't sound too "mature" but does it fit our house full of cats? Yes.

And that is my dad in action.  And that little small patch of baldness is what use to get me in tons of trouble in the back of the car... I use to tease my dad relentlessly about it ... and then he would get mad about it.  Then I would either get sad cause he got real mad or I would pout.  And that was the gist of my childhood.

 Look Mom!!! Trim!!! Trim around the door!

I know the door is terrible.  We are working on it...

More trim!  And I love it cause it makes the room feel finished.  Minus the dirt on the floor .. .but really I am showing it like it is... no staging here.

Filling in the nail holes.

My finished walls. And dirty floors.

Thomas the Man Cat working on his sexy.

His contemplative pose.

His "I am innocent .. but if you get to close I will shred your face" pose.  On my very lovely yellow table.

Wiring in progress.  Don't worry we were just threading it through... no really wiring was attempted this way.

And now I am currently playing the "who is this?" game with Bryan playing DJ... I am winning and am really good at this game... while my cabinet doors dry... and there is alcohol involved... maybe some Tina Turner.. Some impromptu karaoke by none other than me and a remote for a microphone.  Yeah it is a perfect night in the Vargas household. Maybe not traditional but definitely fun.  

So hopefully soon I will have a finished working kitchen to show off ... I might even mop my floors for you!

So now back to the dreaming part...and a bit of singing...

Peace yo.

Breaks are meant for Stopping

To say life has been stressful lately would be an understatement. 

1. There is the lovely stress of work, being every analysts' favorite punching bag for the month has been awesome.  Being the front page news several weeks in a row has also been super fantastic (not me personally so don't worry about that).
2. Bryan's breaks went out on the X-tera (seriously I have hated that car since the day he got it - don't have a good reason just hate it).
3. The day after we got B's breaks fixed (lovely $750 well spent) my breaks go out... luckily I could tell something was up as I was rolling down my driveway and couldn't stop.  But the good news is the emergency break worked!
4. My daughter is 3 1/2 going on 16.  She is a shit right now.  It is awesome.

Sigh...............

The good news?
..........................................................................................................................................................................................

I am waiting for it too........

Okay for reals though, my dad did come down to help!  The kitchen is now one great shade of gray.  The trim is all up and the cabinet boxes are completely painted!!!  Meaning  that hole in my wall where the A/C unit once was... and that lovely patch job Bryan did...GONE!!! My chandelier is now wired correctly with the lovely wires tucked up into the ceiling where they belong.  And my kitchen table looks great.

Dad also did take a look at my break situation... and it looks like I need a new master cylinder.  What is  that you might ask?  I had no clue either but I guess it pumps the break fluid to your breaks.  Mine doesn't.  Thank god for friends at British Pacific and the good friends who work there and their advice.  Guess all those horrible car rallies my dad forced me too paid off.... okay and I did look cute driving this little thing in high school (still trying to convince my dad that the TR needs to live in Minneapolis instead of Wisconsin but we shall see)....

So Bryan and I have been carpooling for the past month trying to make life work and trying to have fun with it.

We have sing-a-longs.  Michael Jackson, Shania Twain, Gotye, Queen, Wilson Phillips have all been butchered by me and my interpretive dance moves in the passenger seat.  Bryan just shakes his head, but I know he is secretly entertained.

I have seriously been trying to make lemonade out of the lemons life has given me lately but seriously I am about done.

So today I took it out on the stumps left over from Bryan's Lumber Jack days ..... I brought out the sledgehammer, the Christmas Tree saw, and the super duper loppers.  I was doing really good.  And then Bryan pulled up from returning movies... and he took my fun away... and took the sledgehammer away from me and started to pound on the stump (I was impressed) and that stupid stump went down!!!

Did I mention that I read somewhere that if you drilled holes into the stump and let the water collect there it would help the rotting process?  Yeah,  Bryan just looked at the holes and asked if I made them and just laughed.  I thought it was a good idea... but it really didn't help.  Oh well.

Now we have two large stumps to burn and two Christmas trees (we missed the Christmas tree trash day and they haven't made their way anywhere - I am ashamed- completely- but the bright news is that I am pretty sure they are dry enough for a good fire!)

Sigh,  I am ready for my luck to change.

Positive post coming tomorrow with pictures of the kitchen and maybe a few of the final touches that I am thinking about for the kitchen...

P.S.  I am so excited to paint the living room navy/royal blue but like my dad, and everyone in my family has said...finish a project before you start another one... so I am trying to stay on track!

To those who can put two and two together

For all those who can put two and two together... and have read the news lately esp. dealing with a certain big box retailer and might be slightly worried about me... I am fine and still have a job.

However, a lot of dear friends of mine are either leaving the company, or currently trying to find a new spot within the company and are dealing with a lot of heartache right now. 

It has been a difficult week for us all, and I truly understand the devastation that come with losing your job.  I went through it when Macy's consolidated all of their headquarters to just New York... and then found out I was pregnant with Emily.

Bryan has gone through it when his company outsourced his job two weeks after Emily was born... and did I mention that we were going through voluntary layoffs at that time as well (I got that call 2 days after Emily was born).

So yeah, I totally understand the uncertainty, the yuckiness, not wanting to talk to anyone and just feeling lost and undervalued.  But none of this makes it better for those affected.  It just doesn't.

It doesn't help to tell anyone - it will all work out - just wait and see.  Even if in the end it is the best thing that has ever happened to them.

Right now the best thing to say is probably nothing or in many cases... you will be missed.

Death to Dad's Office

So as Bryan has had a few days to process his loss of an office (let's just be a little honest with ourselves now - it was a glorified storage room).... I am now on the hunt for playroom inspiration.

But hold on for just a second, if you think that this is going to be a room covered in primary colors and cartoon characters you don't know us.  We are still very very selfish parents who want their house to remain grown-up and pretty (that is the end goal - right now we are living in many half projects).

So these are a few of the ideas I am holding on to:

These are the colors that are the closest to what I am thinking...

 And I am loving the thick stripes but......

Then there are these thin stripes.

So to be totally honest, I lost the battle of stripes in the kitchen.  With the vaulted ceiling and the yellow table it might have looked like a big top.  So the clown kitchen is out and a solid gray is a go.

But, the battle has moved to the playroom which I plan to bring in my stripes!  Grown up but playful and it will flow with the color theme from the kitchen same gray tones used in a different way = less cans of paint = less money to spend!  I think it is a win all around.

As for accessories here is what I am thinking:

For the art work

 

 For the up coming pocket door (on the playroom side)

 

Who wouldn't want a Tee-pee?!?! And a place to hide from small little brothers?

And that is what I have for right now!  I am just so excited to have my ideas in place, and a design flow through the main part of the house.

1. Gray kitchen with super light gray cabinets with a pop of yellow and big thick bright white base boards
2. Living room dark navy with big thick bright white base boards and little pops of yellow and gray
3. Playroom with light gray and super light gray stripes with .... I am going to let you guess on this one...big thick bright white base boards!!!

So yeah, we will let B and my dad handle the kitchen and playroom and I will focus on the living room!

I might be proud of my house by the end of summer!!! Whoot Whoot!

Oh and an update on the little guy, double ear infection.  Will only sleep on mommy's or daddy's chest which make us feel like we have super human healing powers (or the baby Tylenol & pink medi has finally kicked it) ...

Hope all is well with you!