Reality has a way of crashing into your real life plans.

Truth is I hate where I am right now. Love my husband, love my kids (sometimes) but really truly hate where I am right now.

I have been so unhappy/depressed/ suffering from anxiety that I am honestly surprised my husband has stuck around for this bullshit.  The man has tried every angle to make me happy and to be understanding, but no dice.

This is on me.

This is on me to make the choice to actually be happy.  And the choice is hard.  It has to be right?  And I am sure it is for many many many people.  Cause happiness rides on money.  To continue doing what is making you miserable but support your family, or jump ship into a shark infested water that holds no promise of success.

Sigh.  I am almost at the point where I am ready to jump.  And the thing that makes it possible is family.  B is so tired of who I have become (raging crazy person who just really wants to crawl into bed and quit on everything, all the while not wanting to quit and prove everyone right)... But he is willing to do anything to get me happy again, part time job .... another part time job.... but hold on, lets not get crazy he is still hell bent on not shoveling snow.

Mom is coming to the rescue to, and Dad.  Having them a bit closer will help.

Fingers cross I will be brave enough to jump, and jump high enough that I will be able to bring happiness to others... (this is where there is foreshadowing and you remain intrigued by what this all means).

The house is coming along, don't ask about the bathroom, but the living room has made its way from a Smurf's blue to a nice charcoal gray with some lovely lighting accents.  Story and images developing.

Sorry for the long absence - life has just not going according to plan, and I am trying to pick myself up, dust myself off and figure out who the hell I really am.