Tears at Work Happy Hours are Not Welcomed

I have done it.  I believe it is worse than the morning walk of shame in college.

It is worse than the time I dyed my hair a chicken yellow from a box that was suppose to give me a bleach blond look - and then went out and got wasted beyond belief - and then puked and broke a blood vessel in my eye - getting that scary mental picture in your mind - good now image that you had a breakfast date with your grandparents at a very very busy restaurant the very next morning...

Yeah worse than that.

I, being 9 months pregnant went to a "celebratory" happy hour for all the changes on the team... people being promoted, people moving to new roles, etc.  And then there is me - who is going on maternity leave pretty much any day now... and coming back to.... I am not quite sure.

Yes, I have a job when I come back - but I am not sure what it will be... and I really really don't like the unknown, and as much as it might seem like I have all the confidence in the world, I second guess myself all the time.

So by the time the 5th person asked me where and what I would be coming back to... I did the wabbly chin and then the tears started to form.  I almost had it under control.  Almost until a friend started to rub my back and ask me what was wrong... touching = more tears.

And this is when it just all came out... and as much as I knew I this was pretty much career suicide I could not stop.  I was yelling at myself in side my head "STOP STOP STOP" and yet I couldn't.

The only plus was that the majority of the people at the table were women - and knew I that I was pregnant (I really can't hide it anymore) so at least I can blame a smidgen of my mental instability on that... but really I hate myself now.

As I am telling B this story - he says "I am sure you did it professionally" in reference to me crying.... Thank you B.

And then he tells me how I should have handled it.  Should have taken the question and played it to my favor and really used it as an opportunity to self promote.  Where was he when I needed him?!?!? I have now invited him to all my future happy hours (if I ever get invited back). 

So now, as I am sitting in my self-shame, I am dreading going back to work tomorrow... really, this couldn't have been a Friday happy hour? At least then I could have had the weekend to feel a little better about my ridiculousness... but no.  It is Wednesday, I still have Thursday and Friday to get through...yay for me.

And what is worse is I am pretty sure I made a few people uncomfortable.  Great I am that girl.

So yeah.  That is how my day was... I am trying to tell myself "no one is going to remember" "no one is going to care" "everyone cries at work functions eventually" and that last one just really isn't holding any water for me.... bah.

Can't wait for the walk of shame tomorrow morning.  It is going to be fabulous.  Have to go pick out some great shoes to wear just for the occasion. 

Hope your night went slightly better,

Meg